Leadership

Balancing Act: The Impact of Careers on Modern Marriages

Today we celebrate the 21 anniversary of our catholic wedding ceremony. Generally, we are believers, considering belief as the most important power we, people, have. I thought that our marriage is a traditional one because of our Christianity. Today I found that it is not traditional at all, but modern.

Our marriage is as modern as my parents’ and grandparents’ marriages were. Modern families are socio-economic unions between equal partners, based on love and choice, hard work, and…. tough fights for hard learning. They are not arranged by families on economic, political, or religious interests, as traditional marriages are. Besides that, in each generation I know of my family, women were respected as leaders alongside men. Motherhood and children represented the meaning and the sacredness of the family union. That was the pattern we saw, felt, and repeated.

As for education, we as children were educated explicitly only to be good in school and to grow careers, even though growing and caring for your own family is probably more important than a career, who knows? For sure it has huge meaning. Probably, the adults considered family and love as God-making, and we understood a lot about that during religious ceremonies, priests’ speeches about Christian philosophy, and from our parents’ behaviors.

Marriage is a delicate balancing act, a dance of giving and taking, where two individuals strive to build a life together, and eventually give birth and raise a child. Maintaining a good marriage requires work, dedication, mutual understanding, consideration, collaboration, and compromise. Yet, in today’s world, where careers are as important, the equilibrium can easily be disrupted. Indeed, recent studies show that your career can have a profound influence on the happiness and longevity of your marriage, bringing either joy and possibility or fragility and distrust in your children’s life.

In a study conducted by career site Zippia, utilizing Census Bureau data, it was discovered that certain jobs and industries show higher divorce rates for those aged 30 and younger. Military jobs were at the top of the list, placing the most strain on marriages. This finding is perhaps not surprising, considering the emotional and financial stress constant deployments and moves can put on a family. First-line military supervisors, who coordinate and lead enlisted service members, were noted as having a 30% divorce rate​1​.

However, when considering the data by industry, divorce rates were found to be less than 10% for 24 industries, including the legal, science, and entertainment fields, which had a divorce rate of about 4% or less​1​. Perhaps those from legal industry are better at hard negotiations, who knows?

While the study did not delve deeper into why some professions were more prone to divorces than others, other research has found that financial issues are a significant contributor. A Kansas State University study found that arguments about money were the top predictor of divorce among both men and women, even higher than arguments about children, sex, or in-laws​1​. Supplementary, I found that house chores are often hard to share too.

The balancing act

Successful careers could have hidden costs and compromises, including bad relationships with children or partners, or moral compromises. To navigate the tricky balance between work and marriage, one has to see reality as it is and carefully clarify own values, priorities, and beliefs. Nowadays the world is noisy and some careers could appear glamorous, heroic, or trendy from a marketing perspective. Besides that, individual freedom and opportunities are overrated and opportunity costs could be ignored.

But in the end, life is what you are and what you do each minute you were given on earth. Your own family remains a mysterious precious gift, regardless of the promises, fears, or threatens of a changing world. Think twice before trading your own family or the needs of your child for a glamorous career, money, power, or an illusory future world conquer. Embrace your human limitations and don’t reject divinity for no good reason. Take good care of the world inside your mind and of those near you.

ETHYS executive coaching process could bring clarity around complex difficult career choices, to prevent later painful doubts and regrets. 

  1. “Your Career Choice Could Affect Your Marriage, According To This Study”. Forbes. [Accesat la 7 iunie 2023]. Disponibil la: https://www.forbes.com/sites/danabrownlee/2021/06/06/your-career-choice-could-affect-your-marriage-according-to-this-study/​

 

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About Iulia Deac

Iulia Deac's Coaching-Leadership partnerships bring her clients clarity and a different perspective at crucial moments in their professional life. An experienced medical doctor in the global business of medicine and technology, Iulia is the professional you want to have by your side when things are tough. With great consideration, humor, and honesty, she will challenge you to think critically and strategically. Thus, it is possible to regain your realistic optimism moving towards your next career stage or next professional performance. Iulia is happily celebrating her 21st year of marriage, has a daughter, is jogging and loves alpine skiing.

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